Namita's Blog

Smart...........Yet Stupid????

2006-06-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

All of us are smart and sensible, yet there are times in our lives when we stop being sensible and smart.

There is a voice in our head which keeps warning us but we decide to ignore that voice against our best judgement. we put that voice somewhere way back and ask it to shutup till it really does. and then when we have to bear the consequences we kick ourselves for ignoring the voice in our head. it really feels as if the voice is mocking you and saying "I Told You So". again for the second time, you want to kill that voice and also yourself a lil for ignoring it in the first place. but well i guess with these experiences u learn and will hopefully not make the same mistake in the future....if u chose to be smart

Love or something like that

2006-05-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

writing after more than a year...so much has happened since then, my entire life seems to have changed. well it doesnt seem to..it has changed. whether the change is for the good or bad only time will tell. the only thing that I do know is that i dont want to make the same mistakes which I made earlier.

today someone asked me what is the diffrence between really liking someone and loving someone and i was left speechless. How do u differentiate whether what u are feeling is love or just some liking and why and when do u fall out of love? Another question which arises in my mind at this time is: is it possible to love more than one person in your life.

You loved someone dearly but then things didnt work out and after some time how is it possible to fall in love again? was the first love not love or is the current love not love? The feeling is a little different each time, the intensity is different but its still love.

A friend also said to me very recently that your first relationship in life is the purest one. Then when that relationship doesnt work out and u have others are u being fair to the person if this is not the truest or purest relationship? But then if one relationship doesnt work, it never means the end of the life. You pull yourself together and move on and if you are lucky you find someone else and who knows sometimes the other person is the best person for you and you thank your lucky stars that you found him. So i guess it is possible to love more than once. With every failed relationship you learn a little more about yourself, about life, and about relationships. You learn how to handle yourself, how to handle situations and you improve (that is if you are willing to learn). Life or God gives these opportunities to you for you to discover yourself and learn. And when u finally do meet the right person, you just know that he is right for you. You know that this was the person you were looking for and this is what was lacking in your life till now. You know that being with this person makes you complete and makes you a better person. Sometimes you find this person at the first go and sometimes you have to meet a few wrong people to be able to identify this right person. And when u know that this is the right person for you, you know that your relationship is as true and pure and it ever can be.

Questions.........Questions.......Questions

2005-08-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

We try and try and try some more and still dont get the desired result. Or even if we do get it...our path is full of thorns. And we look at people around us achieving what we have been striving to without half as much effort as we put in. What does it signify?

There is a saying which goes like this:

Life gives you your answers in three ways....it says yes and gives you what you want. It says no and gives you something better. It says WAIT and gives the BEST!!

I wonder if this is really true. Do we always get what is best for us and were we wasting time trying to fulfill our dreams all this while. Paulo Coelho writes that it is not the end which matters but the journey. But why do we embark any journey if the end doesnt really matter? In the face of all the failures which we may achieve, we and the people around us always motivate us and tell us to not give up and continue to strive to achieve our goal. But at some point or the other the frustration is bound to creep in. What do we do then? When do we draw the line and say that what we are trying to achieve is not meant for us and its a waste of time?

These are some questions which haunt me everyday of my life. Though at this point of time I have no regrets about whatever I have or have not acheived, always thinking that there is something good in store for me....but still there comes a time when it is almost impossible to go on. How will I know what is best for me? Will there be some sign as is written in Alchemist?

Too many questions with too few answers.

Strangers or Best Friends

2005-08-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

At every stage of life we meet new people..some for short durations and some for long. But no matter what the time frame of the meeting, someone will always leave his/her imprint in your life. They may not impact your life directly, but will surely become someone we will always remember .

Recently, I got to interact with someone. It was not a very long interaction, but it was something which got me thinking and gave me the courage to take control of my life. It is very strange how just a conversation with a stranger can affect an individual. This interaction has also reiterated to me the fact that at times strangers can be your "best friends" and can make you see life as it is and not how you believe it should be.

At this point of time, I dont know if the decision which I made was the right one or not, but I do know I am glad I made it. It had been haunting me for some time now, but I never had the courage to actually go ahead and take the final plunge. I was very happy to be and let the events unfold around me. But now I have taken the reins of my life back in my hand and know where I am going from here. It was a big relief but at the same time I cant help but feel a little sad. I guess no matter what we do some amount of sadness in always bound to be there as there are always two sides to a coin.

Being Alone

2005-08-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

In a few hours time...it will be 12th aug...the same date when some 2 decades back I had entered this world. I dont know if I am being an oversensitive, overemotional fool or not, but to me days like this matter. Not only mine but also of those who are special to me. These are once in a year opportunity to tell make the persone feel special and tell them how important they are in your life. I dont believe in big celebrations, but a day spent with those who mean something to you and doing something which is important to you. Last few years, I have done this for all those friends who are special to me...gone and made the days special for them just to tell them how important they are in my life.

But now that it is my time, there is noone here who cares enough to do something. I know that it is upto me to make this day for me and I would do it...I dont really need anyone, but still if there was someone who would go ahead and do it just because he/she cared would be nice. People will come and wish me and tell me nice things but not because they care, they would do it because either I have tormented them about it for last few days or because it is the norm. I cannot think of anyone who would wish me because it comes from their heart.

Relationships evolve all the time and so have my relationships. My relationship with one person has evolved to such an extent that it this point of time I dont even know what our relationship is. I had thought that whatever may happen..he is a friend, but today I dont know if the friendship is still there or not. Sure, we may talk...but is it same. Can we ever be friends...or rather were we ever friends or was it all just a figment of my imagination?

well...an hour more to go and as each second passes by, my resolve to make this day special for myself increases even more. I dont need anyone to do it....yes it would have been nice if someone had done it...but then I can do it as well. If need be...I will go out and do things which mean a lot to me..and do them by myself.

LIfe or Something Like It

2005-08-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Life has its strange ways...it gives her the happiness which she desires but then it doesnt take too much to take it away from her. But she perseveres. She has seen enough in her life just like everyone else and she has now made up her mind to not let any of these things put her down. She knows what she wants. She has also achieved some of the things which she had set out to achieve.

Even though there are many more things in her life which she wants, but now she has a path in her life. She knows what she needs to do to get where she wants and she is more determined than ever to reach there. Last few days have shown her the strength she has in her. Now she doesnt need anyone else or she doesnt need anyone's support.

If after today there are still people here who would like to talk to her or be her friend..they are most welcome. But she knows one thing in life....to her friend is a word which has lost its meaning. The only few people who are her friends are the ones who were there for her when things were good and when they were bad. These are the people with whom she has seen life...learnt about it and has grown up....to them it does not matter what she wears or what she looks like all that they care about is the relationship which they have. They may be far away and she may not meet them for years on end but she knows that they will always be there no matter what. In this place where she was staying away from home and she was looking for some new friendships...she did not find exactly what she wanted but she did learn a lot. The people around her may be mere acquaintances to her but living with them she has learnt how to be selfish....how to put herself before anyone else and how to survive. These were some of the most important lessons which she could have learnt and for that she is grateful to these acquaintances. But even in this world of pretences she did meet one person who even though was pretending, could not do so for very long. There did come a point in time when she thought that she had a great error in jodgement when it came to him, but now she knows that she was write. Here is a guy who is also playing the game which this world around him plays and expects him to play as well. Here was someone who, unlike her, had mastered the art of surviving in this phony world.

She doesnt know where she stands with him, but she does know her instincts about him were not wrong. She doesnt know if he considers her a friend or just another person he has to interact with...but she knows that if ever a situation arises where he needs her help she will be always there for him, no matter what.

At this point of time she has no regrets in life. She has something exciting and amazing to look forward to and she has some great people in her life to share it with. All that she plans to do now is to finish what she has started and see it till the end.

The Same Question!!!!

2005-07-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Today she is forced to ask the same qustion which I asked a few days back...do we have too many expectations from our friends? is it right to expect something like s/he will take out some time and meet me atleast oncce in a few days...or something like if i request him/her to meet me s/he would do that? Are these expectations unjustified and why do these most of the time lead to hurt.

Just when she thought that she knew someone or that she has found another friend in this world if not for life, atleast for some duration that they were together......life shows her how wrong she were in her judgement. Everything around her kept on telling her to not to let her gueard down...but she decided to follow her heart and her instinct...she made a mistake. She was once again in her life proven that almost all the people whom she would meet in her life will be her friend only if they have a ulterior motive in life or get something from her in return. And as soon as they have got what they needed...they will throw her out of their lives. The sooner she learns this hard truth of life, the happier she would be and less hurt she would get.

Do we have too many expectations?

2005-07-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Do we have too many expectations from our friends? After a long gap this question today has made me visit this page once again and write something here.

When someone becomes our friend or someone whom we consider to be close to us...do we start expecting too much out of them? If this happens, then why does it happen? Why do things change between two people? Till a few days back, the person or his/her actions did not affect u in any way..but since becoming friends they do. And at times they get infuriating in which case u may end up hurting your "friend" as well. In this case are you two really friends?

This brings me to the question....What does friendship mean and when do two people become friends? Is it because the two like same things or think alike or dislike same things? What is the bond which joins two people and why is it stronger with some while not so strong with others? When does one say..."S/He is my friend."...."S/he is a close friend"......"S/he is my best friend"
What do all these relationships describe? And does ever a point arise when a person of the opposite sex becomes more than a friend? Also how does one differentiate between friendship and something more/other than friendship?

Just some questions which I am forced to re-think today and at this point of time I dont think I can honestly say I know the answers.

Friends...or someone like that

2005-05-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

I have been here at home for 2 weeks now....and i can not help but remember those days when i was dying to come back home....to be with my parents....to meet my friends.....to taste home cooked food....to sit and watch TV the whole day. Am I happy and content now?? Yes to some extent i am...very happy to be here.

But i can't help but feel a little sad. Last 10 months i had become used to a certain life, and it is that life which i miss now. Being with my friends, going for that post-dinner walk. Yes..i do miss those friends who had become my friends in last 10 months, but at the same time i also miss those people who are not my friend, and how can i forget those who pretended to be my friends? The last 10 months of staying away from home and out of the security of my parents and home has made me realise how selish and self-centered people are. People are your friends if they have work with you and once their work is done they forget that you even exist in this world. If you disagree with them and if your point of view differs from theirs then you are not their friend any longer.

Yetsreday was my convocation here and after almost one whole year i met all my college friends....those people with whom i had spent 3 years of my life with. And being with them i could not help but recollect my 'friends' now in pune. In college me and my friends too had diagreements over work and in college but it never affected our friendship. At the end of the day we respected each other for what we were rather than expecting the other person to be like me or to agree with everything i say. We respect the fact that we may have different points of view and do not let it affect our friendship. Then why is the life in Pune so different?

But at the end of the day there are no regrets. I today can surely say who are my friends and who are not and also i have learnt that i should not blindly trust anyone. From now onwards I will be very careful of who i talk to and how i talk to them.

Another Lonely Day

2005-04-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

Another day passes with no change. Is something wrong with me? Why does everything look wrong to me? Why do i trust people and believe that there is good? There have been enough times when i have been let down but i emerge with my faith intact. This time however i dont know if the faith is still intact. Have they finally managed to break me and my faith?

Here I am sitting in this room which has been home for the last 9 months but it still doesnt feel like home. It feels like i have been enslaved here and the worst part is that at some time i wished for this...wanted this...so today i cannot blame anyone but myself. Wake up each day with a feeling of dread about what is to come and sleep each day thanking God that another day has passed. Though been living with the same people for a long time now...sharing everything with them, they are still not friends. Inspite of all the people who surround me i still feel lonely. I want to go back to that place where i have my friend, parents. just two more days..and then i will be back where my heart and home is. A place where friends accept you as you are dont judge you on the decisions you make. they may disagree with me but at the end of the day we are way above the disagreements and take you as you are without expecting you to change. Two more days and they are amongst the longest two days i have ever spent.

Once Again

2005-04-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

I come here once again after just about an hour of my previous blog. Mind still not at rest....thoughts whizzing past my head and i cant seem to either control them or keep track of them. I seem to have gone into a state of sadness...peole around me have now started commenting. I was not like this...I dont like to be like this. Then why do I let the trivial things around me affect me? Why can i not control it?

From now onwards...i have made one decision....not to let these things or these people affect me.
From now onwards....i'll be my usual self and not a sad person cribbing about everything around me.

A reminder

2005-04-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

Today amidst all the has been happening around me i cant help but remember the poem IF by Rudyard Kipling, specially the following lines:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

When i had read this poem for the first time around 8 yrs back i couldnt understand it properly. But today i understand these words. I just pray to God to give me strength to get through this phase in my life.

Back after a long time

2005-04-20T03:35:00.000-07:00

I am back to this site after a really long time. thought many times to write but then could never muster up enough courage to do so. too many thoughts.....too much to write....where to start?

since the last time i was here i have realised that currently the place and world i am living in is one full of deceit, hypocricy and selfishness. its not that i was looking at the world through rose tinted glasses and thought that everything was hunkydory...but there was hope. hope that there would be someone who would be above all this. And in the last few days that hope was shattered. as long as things go according to their wishes, they are your best friends and good, but the moment someone does something which doesnt suit them...they unleash their wrath. its all about what suits them.

but in the last few days i have also realised that I, for one am way above all this. I can stand tall even if the whole world is against me fighting for what is right and not compromise on my principles. so what if i am being called a sadist or a person with no guts and many other things..i know what i am and i dont need their approval.

First Business Excercise!!!

2004-06-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Well well well.....we had our first business excercise today and boy was it tough or what?

to start off our assignment for the day was to shadow 4 hrs with a foreign executive. Initial reaction was that its not that tough and can be handled but when we actually got on the road we realised that its not going to be that easy. First of all we had to figure out where to go and how to go? well decided to a place abt half hour away where some of the head offices of companies like Alfa laval and atlas copco are there. So then we had to decide how to get there??? A really tough question considering the fact that we CANNOT spend any money. So we took lifts from various people and finally about an hour and a half did manage to reach that place.

then the tough task began......trying to find out if there are any foreign executives working in those firms and trying to get to meet them. it was probably the toughest thing to do and as expected we didnt get to meet anyone. We were politly and bluntly rejected by everyone.

then some luck......we got a lead to a german person working here and then began the task of getting ourselves all the way back to the city and to his office as soon as possible. somehow we did manage to do that but when we reached the office we realised that we were not the only ones there and that our collegues had beaten us to it!!! still decided to go in and meet the person and try our luck and probably get some leads.

He was a really nice person and we got to spend some time with him. It was a great experience sitting and talking to him and i was able to get answers to a lot of my questions. So a very very fruitful experience though i wish that it was longer. he asked us to go to the Max Mueller Bhawan and after meeting him thats exactly where we headed.

on reaching there we realised that again we were not the first ones and even before we could say a word the person there know from where we are and whets the purpose of our visit. But some talking and coaxing did help us and we finally got to meet a lady there. she wasnt much help and was also very reluctant to talk to us. The feeling there was that she wanted to get rid of us as soon as possible. so even we didnt waste much time and after being with her for some time left.

once again we were on the road and this time it was to get back to the college. another tough task and again we hich-hiked and did manage to get back in time.

it was a great experience and something which i was doing for the first time. i'd never though that i would someday have to shadow someone...and that too a complete stranger. at times i was puched to my limits but in the end it was all worth it. i got to see how rude the corporates can be at times. also the day made me realise how to survive on my own and to an extent how to sell myself and try and get things done on my own means without using any references and names.

till next time.....ciao

First Blog

2004-06-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

Wow.....just recently got introduced to this blog and its really good. will definitly make it a point to try and post as often as possible.

about 2 weeks back i started on my MBA and since then it has just been a mad-house. at times i didnt even know whether i was awake or sleeping....coming or going... but i guess i'm finally getting the hang of it. Also, staying away from home for the first time is a new experience and also in a new city.

this is the first time i've come out of my campus officialy and it feels great to finally get to see the city.

but i have to rush now...........so till next time
ciao.........